So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
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its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize