He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize