You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
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It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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