I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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