So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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