she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
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First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
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just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize