Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
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did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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