You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
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Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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