i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
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Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
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he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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