Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
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Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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