He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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