I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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