Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize