I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize