It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
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We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
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She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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