i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize