Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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