his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
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Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
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Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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