The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize