i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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