hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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