I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize