for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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