Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
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Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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