My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
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Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
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I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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