my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
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sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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