What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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