margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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