sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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