I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I pour the whiskey from now on
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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