Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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