ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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