I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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