Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
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You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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