Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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