Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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