So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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