the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize