I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
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I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
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I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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