I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize