I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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