You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize