i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize