you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
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She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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