I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize