my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize