He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he fucked my hip out of place.
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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