after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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