Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize