My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is underappreciated
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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